Well we had a long interview to begin the process. There were many questions about Ella's life, her routine, habits, and general information. Diane, the therapist, was able to see glimpse of the behaviors that we have been dealing with. The suggestions that she had for us are very common sense, but as I have said before it is hard to step back and look objectively at your own child.
First we identified the behaviors that are occurring. Then we talked about when, how, and why they are happening. Then we put them into categories as to their purpose. We decided that Ella does her behaviors for two reasons, Attention, and Escape. When she is yelling at me or pulling on me she wants my attention and I give it to her when she does that. When we ask her to complete a task she is having the blowouts and is able to escape the task that was asked of her. Common sense I know.
So at this point when she is doing a behavior for attention we are to ignore her until she seeks our attention in an appropriate manner. Such as asking us instead of yelling, hitting, or pushing us. When she is doing her behavior to escape a task, we need to deal with the behavior and then the task is still expected to be completed.
Now how to deal with the behavior. When she hits she needs to be put in timeout and then we have to walk away. If she gets out of timeout we have to put her right back in. Yes, the answer is it is exhausting. Yesterday she was hitting me so I put her in timeout and stepped back, then she got out of timeout, and I had to put her back in. This happened about 10 times. But we got through it. During this time I give her no attention like talking to her or looking at her.
So now we are going to chart this behaviors for the next day and then she will take all of the information and help us come up with a plan to work with Ella. She would also like us to come up with a list of things that Ella likes, such as special outings, toys, movies, things that are special treats or rewards. Then we have to prioritize them and give her the top five. We are working towards a rewards systems of some sort.
So that is what came of it. I asked her if this is normal or off the charts and she said it is pretty normal. So we do our homework and wait for the next step.
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3 comments:
Sorry you have been having such a hard time. Just know that you are doing everything right. Realizing when you need help is the biggest hurdle to overcome and I'm so happy you have the supports around to turn to! I wish I was there to listen in person but you know I'm always here. I love you!
Cammie
Irene, please feel free to call Cammie and time (please focus your calls between the hours of 8pm to 1am)
This was Cammie will be able to pay full attention to you..and I promise not to both Cammie.....I'll keep my self busy by playing my xbox :)
=Greg
Irene you will work through this. Believe in yourself and your skills as a mother.
It is so hard to feel we failed as a parent when in fact we didn't....we can emotionally beat the tar out of ourselves...so please try not to do that. Self doubt sucks.
Irene I notice Greg has graciously offered his wife's services to between prime x-box time...I smell a rat. But hell take him up on it.....Cammie has an amazing ability to help problem solve and she is an intent listener plus she love you and who can you trust if you can't trust your best friend!!!!!
Love Donna
aka Liliana and Ian's Mimi :-)
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