The ZOO

Well today was Ella's school trip to the zoo. She was a little scared of the school bus, but she rode it the whole way. I on the other hand just about had a nervous breakdown over it. She did not know it, but I was a wreak the whole time I was driving to the zoo. When I put her on the bus she looked like this.

Then when I got off the bus and ready for her to go this is the face I see staring at me out the window. Talk about ripping your heart out. This is why I was upset. She looks so sad.

So after driving at top speed to make sure I was there to meet the bus. This is how she got off and she said that it was fun, but she was a little bit scared.

Then on to the Zoo. First we saw the animals inside because it was so cold today we started there. You have to walk through cave like exhibits to see the animals. She was o.k. with this part, but did not like that it was dark. Then we were off to the open air bird exhibit. This is how Ella walked through the whole thing.

She was not very fond of the smell. Then we were off to the lions. Ella got very scared when the male lion ran at the glass and jumped at it right where she was standing.

Ella spent a lot of the day relating the animals to ones she has seen on T.V. or movies. Such as Nemo and Dorrie. Well the next three pictures are her favorite ones from a Barbie movie.

Then it was time for all of the outside animals. There were bears, horses, goats, yaks, buffalo, and llams. Near the tiger exhibit is a big wooden tiger that you can sit on and take pictures. I just getting ready to take her picture and she announces to everyone around that she has to go POOP. Great this is the farthest away from the bathrooms that you can be, so I leave all of our stuff with friends and take her. We are fast walking and she looks up at me and says Mommy we better run. OH my god. So we run the whole way. Half way there I am sure I am going to die, my lungs were on fire. Well we made it. In the stall we go. I get her on the toilet and she yells out here comes the poop. I thought I was going to die. So back at the tiger we get pictures.

The next thing was the penguins. She really liked them. They were fun. They would swim right up next to the glass and stop to look at you then swim back and forth in front of you like they wanted to play.

On our way out of the zoo there was an elephant statue and a horse statue. She wanted her picture with each.

Wii had a good weekend

Well on Saturday I got my hair cut, then we spent some time at the playground with Ella. We had a great time.

Then on Sunday I bought Luke's father's day, anniversary, and birthday present. I got him a Wii. It is a lot of fun. Last night we stayed up and played a few of the games. I kicked his butt at bowling, but I have a Wii injury. I pulled my hamstring. I am recovering though. Here is a action shot of Luke bowling.

Tomorrow be watching for the Zoo trip pictures. We go to the zoo with Ella's school.

What has been going on

Well things have gotten a little better with Ella. We have not had any of the major outbursts lately. She is handling the ignoring part of the behavior plan pretty well. However she is upping the anty often. She will now stand on top of very high objects to get our attention. She is just so darn smart.

This weekend we went to celebrate Auntie Edna's birthday. Fun was had by all. Then on Sunday. We built a new sandbox. We did have a very large tractor tire that we were using, but the kids are getting to big for it. So we dug it all out and then removed the tire. Not an easy job. Ella did a lot of work. She shoveled and shoveled. Then all of the dirt had to be carried in a wheelbarrow to the neighbors house. Then off to Lowe's for the supplies. 18 - 50lbs bags of sand and 4 - 2x8's. Here are a few pictures, I was not very good at getting pictures. I forgot to get the camera out until we were almost done.

Yesterdays meeting

Well we had a long interview to begin the process. There were many questions about Ella's life, her routine, habits, and general information. Diane, the therapist, was able to see glimpse of the behaviors that we have been dealing with. The suggestions that she had for us are very common sense, but as I have said before it is hard to step back and look objectively at your own child.

First we identified the behaviors that are occurring. Then we talked about when, how, and why they are happening. Then we put them into categories as to their purpose. We decided that Ella does her behaviors for two reasons, Attention, and Escape. When she is yelling at me or pulling on me she wants my attention and I give it to her when she does that. When we ask her to complete a task she is having the blowouts and is able to escape the task that was asked of her. Common sense I know.

So at this point when she is doing a behavior for attention we are to ignore her until she seeks our attention in an appropriate manner. Such as asking us instead of yelling, hitting, or pushing us. When she is doing her behavior to escape a task, we need to deal with the behavior and then the task is still expected to be completed.

Now how to deal with the behavior. When she hits she needs to be put in timeout and then we have to walk away. If she gets out of timeout we have to put her right back in. Yes, the answer is it is exhausting. Yesterday she was hitting me so I put her in timeout and stepped back, then she got out of timeout, and I had to put her back in. This happened about 10 times. But we got through it. During this time I give her no attention like talking to her or looking at her.

So now we are going to chart this behaviors for the next day and then she will take all of the information and help us come up with a plan to work with Ella. She would also like us to come up with a list of things that Ella likes, such as special outings, toys, movies, things that are special treats or rewards. Then we have to prioritize them and give her the top five. We are working towards a rewards systems of some sort.

So that is what came of it. I asked her if this is normal or off the charts and she said it is pretty normal. So we do our homework and wait for the next step.

My thoughts

This post has been very hard for me to write. I have had to admit to myself, and now posting this, to everyone else that I am having trouble with Ella. Having a Master's degree and being a teacher and day care provider I thought that I would be able to handle raising a child of my own, but taking care of others children and dealing with your own are two different things and that takes a lot to admit. This post is not meant as a pity party. I just needed a venue to put some things out there before I move on with the next step.

For a few months now Ella has been bucking all and any authority from me. So much so that it has gotten to the point that she is hitting, spiting and just beating the crap out of me often. I have not found much that works for her and I am at the end of my rope with dealing with it. I know that she is only three, but it is still hard to hear on a daily basis almost, that I do not love her, do not care about her, and then to be beat up along with it.

I have tried many different approaches with her and none of them seem to work. It is very hard as a parent to pull back and look at your child as I would in a school setting. I am just too close to the situation to do that. So I have hired a friend of my who has a lot of background in behavior therapy and modification. She is coming today. I felt that part of the problem is for me to admit that I need help and writing this post is helping me to do that.

What I hope to gain out of doing this is having Ella and I be able to go throughout our day with out major blow outs. I know that all kids have them, but I feel her frequency is much more than other children's. At this point I wake up every morning with deep love for my daughter, but do not look forward to spending time with her because I know that anything I say to her will be met with opposition and usually the blowouts. I hate to feel this way, and some may judge me for it, but they are my feelings and I can not change them. I hope with this help that they will change. I have gone so far as to question continuing with trying for a second child. Maybe this (parenting) is not for me.

The thoughts and comments I have written are just how I am feeling at this time.

POOP, PUKE, and GARBAGE all before 9 am

Well get ready for a ride this one is almost unbelievable. Oh and with a title like that I promise that there will not be any pictures.

A story that must be told ahead of time is that when I was in 6th grade. I had a tooth that needed to be pulled. So we went to the dentist. My mom was in the waiting room and I was in the exam room. The dentist came in and pulled out the needle for the Novocaine. Well he tried to stick it in my mouth and I bit him. He kicked me out. I went streaming out of the room and right past my mom and told her that we were going home, then right out to the car. Well after a little while she came out to get me, and told me that we had to go back inside. I did go back in and have the tooth pulled.

So this morning Ella and I had our 6 mo. dental checkups. It came at the perfect time because Ella needs a dental checkup for the school program for next year. Right after breakfast Ella went poop. For those of you who know how much trouble we have with constipation you know that a bowel movement is cause for celebration in our house. I was thankful that it happened be for the appointment. So that it was out of the way.

This is how dental visits go for us. Luke will have his cleaning and Ella will go to watch and then a few weeks later she and I have them together. Usually I go first and she watches and then it is her turn. Well the last time it did not go so well we had to reschedule and the second try was a charm. So this time. Luke had his appointment a few weeks ago and Ella went to watch. Then about a week ago Ella's class had a field trip to the dentist. Then today was the appointment. Starting this past weekend she was telling me that she does not like the tickler, that would be the cleaner, and she was not going to have them use it. Well we went anyways. Luke usually goes with us so that he can help to watch her while I am in the chair, but today I have too many daycare kids so he stayed home to watch them. I packed a bag with toys for her to play with and off we go. We get there and of course she says she has to go poop. So into the bathroom we go. And only pee. So back to the waiting room we go only to hear I have to go poop again. So back in we go. This time we have success. SO now we are done. I ask her do you have any more. In just a minute mommy will be in the chair and unable to help you go. She tells me no all done.

Now into the exam room. I go first. Ella was great she played with her toys and talked to the hygienist about princesses. Then the Hygienist looks at her and says do you have to go to the bathroom. Ella says"Yeah I have to go poopy". GREAT!!!!! So the dentist walks by at this point and says oh I will take her. How embarrassing. She comes back and I am done and it is her turn.

The hygienist tells her and she turns around and runs out the door. So I go get her and bring her back into the room. We try to get her in the chair and it is not working so I get in the chair and have her lay on me. It took us about 15-20 minutes to get her to open her mouth and let the hygienist count and look at her teeth. Then it was time to start the cleaning. Well that is when all H*** broke out. She picked her tooth paste flavor, it was cherry, she started screaming and yelling. She go so upset that we ended up with kicking our shoes off, almost knocking our the tray with the tools on it, accidentally hitting the hygienist, and kicking me repeatedly. Finally she told us that she did not like the flavor, so we tried the bubblegum. Yeah not a favorite either. She started to cough and gag so the hygienist gave her a drink of water and then she spit it all over the equipment. At this point she had lost complete control of herself. She got out the chair and here it comes puked all over the exam room, even on the carpet in the hallway.

The next thing I know the dentist and the hygienist are no where to be found. The secretary is there cleaning up the puke while I have Ella over the sink. I am washing her up and trying to convince her she has won and will be going home so she can please stop scream and puking. So we leave the dentist with my tail between my legs.

We get home and Ella walks in the back door and proudly announces to the other kids that she puked at the dentist. Luke looks at me like what are you talking about. So I go through the whole story.

As I am changing Ella's clothes that garbage truck comes by and picks up the garbage. Ella wants to watch them. I look out the window and see that a bag of garbage has broken open and was flung all over the road, and they left it there. So out I go to pick up the garbage. Then it was 9 am.

I really have nothing else to say. I am exhausted and today just keeps getting better. At 3 pm I have a behavior therapist coming to the house to help with Ella. I will write more about that later, and I have to work tonight.

Tile is done

Well the tile is done. Here are some pictures. I am not sure you can tell the difference of the grout in the pictures, but it is done. Sorry there are no pictures of the actual work. Doing grout is a really messy job. Mom and I were both up to our elbows in it, and it was so messy that we sent Luke and Ella out to do the grocery shopping. The thought of a three year old in grout made me want to cry.

We also have florescent lights in the kitchen that have never had covers over them. My mom saw some stuff in Lowe's that she thought would work. It looks pretty good. Better then just the ugly bulbs. The pictures are not very good, but trust me it looks a lot better.

So now we are left with paint, base boards, curtains. I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel.